RIP Snowy - not just a pet, but My dearest furr baby

Snowy - not just a pet, but My dearest furr baby

Trying to breathe, but can’t hear your heart beat,
Trying to think, but cant trail a heat.
Needles like pricking thoughts rush as though on rewind,
Soul is red and feels feverish in mind.

Conscious I am but unconscious it feels,
‘what to do’ I am aware but can't bring self to do it.
Want to hold tight but instead jump into a thousand distractions,
everything seems heavy and there is no wish for any interaction.
I don’t want to meet any eyes, within reach of light,
I wish I get detached from the world till the nightmare ends right.

Mindlessly seeking the thrill of 'something or anything',
end up hogging i chew, which is around that’s everything.
Tubs of tears hasn't even dried,
Seeking solace in buckets of ice-cream & liquids I tried,
soul sinks & Body temperature keeps rising just high,
Heart begs to stay calm, Mind screams and wonder why?

I stare at the hands of time on the clocks,
And feel the skin burnt from ship of hell-fire that docks.
I love you like my baby and you had my name,
Reminds me of fact that I wished you to get relief from your torturous pain.
I continue to evade what I cannot face,
want to hideaway with your memories and stay in my own space.

I head home everyday tired in evenings & don’t want to hold my steps back,
I want to rush & see her wagging tail with love, which she never lack.
“kya kiya meri snowwoo ne pura din?” I desperately want to ask and see her reactions,
Planting a kiss on her forehead, watch her wordless replies to all my questions,
Pacing I enter only to find the empty room & take a step back to cry out,
sleeping on the bed, I inhale as the loneliness struggle to seep in.

I speak to myself in the silence & encourage the kiddish tale,
not today, but someday ‘I shall be normal’ which shouldn't fail.
Times shared and memories made into a life time,
to be cherished & enjoyed like a perfect wine.

In anticipation of this night to be over I shall be awake,
every day I shall step out in world with heaps of makeup on poker face,
and walk hurriedly from people as they pass by in life’s’ rat race,
Serenely I smile & speak “everything is okay & I am fine”
avoiding conversations, which is nothing but a selfish lies of line!