Live my life again?

Yet again the tears are falling,
yet again the thoughts are crawling,
rolling down my cheeks,
their laughter at its peaks.

My minds as usual numb,
there's nothing that can be done.
Life isn't fair i knew,
every breath left are few.

I am tired of this running,
am tired as i am numbing.
its seems never ending,
how much is life pending?

seconds, hours, days pass by,
what did i do, just not even try.
my skin burns from my mental fry,
what else did i do except cry!

I keep repenting,
as sins which are suspending,
coz i wish to be finished,
waiting to just see my deeds.

if my sins aren't worth the pain i suffered,
is there a chance God will refund?
Is God still into business of redemption,
i don't wish to give my deeds for reevaluation.
i wish to suffer and burn in hell,
rather than to live my life again!