RIP Snowy - not just a pet, but My dearest furr baby

Snowy - not just a pet, but My dearest furr baby

Trying to breathe, but can’t hear your heart beat,
Trying to think, but cant trail a heat.
Needles like pricking thoughts rush as though on rewind,
Soul is red and feels feverish in mind.

Conscious I am but unconscious it feels,
‘what to do’ I am aware but can't bring self to do it.
Want to hold tight but instead jump into a thousand distractions,
everything seems heavy and there is no wish for any interaction.
I don’t want to meet any eyes, within reach of light,
I wish I get detached from the world till the nightmare ends right.

Mindlessly seeking the thrill of 'something or anything',
end up hogging i chew, which is around that’s everything.
Tubs of tears hasn't even dried,
Seeking solace in buckets of ice-cream & liquids I tried,
soul sinks & Body temperature keeps rising just high,
Heart begs to stay calm, Mind screams and wonder why?

I stare at the hands of time on the clocks,
And feel the skin burnt from ship of hell-fire that docks.
I love you like my baby and you had my name,
Reminds me of fact that I wished you to get relief from your torturous pain.
I continue to evade what I cannot face,
want to hideaway with your memories and stay in my own space.

I head home everyday tired in evenings & don’t want to hold my steps back,
I want to rush & see her wagging tail with love, which she never lack.
“kya kiya meri snowwoo ne pura din?” I desperately want to ask and see her reactions,
Planting a kiss on her forehead, watch her wordless replies to all my questions,
Pacing I enter only to find the empty room & take a step back to cry out,
sleeping on the bed, I inhale as the loneliness struggle to seep in.

I speak to myself in the silence & encourage the kiddish tale,
not today, but someday ‘I shall be normal’ which shouldn't fail.
Times shared and memories made into a life time,
to be cherished & enjoyed like a perfect wine.

In anticipation of this night to be over I shall be awake,
every day I shall step out in world with heaps of makeup on poker face,
and walk hurriedly from people as they pass by in life’s’ rat race,
Serenely I smile & speak “everything is okay & I am fine”
avoiding conversations, which is nothing but a selfish lies of line!    

Fear of Reality

The part of me which was dancing last night,

Has died coz it did realize,

Time is losing its grip,

But I can’t stop myself and further I slip!

Lip to lip and urges can’t resist,

Fighting hard lying apart.

Minds’ minding & hearts' hurting,

Furthermore can’t bend and can’t keep ignoring.

What I feel for you, I have never felt before,

It’s hard to explain like unicorns and fairy tales’ core.

Possessiveness, jealousy, imaginary life, is all mine,

What u said helped me show you how i feel all the time.

Weird it may sound, but hurts like needles and knives,

When you take names that are pulling you near and my mind just diversifies.

High high higher high, I can shout and my dreams cry,

I want to say - fly away with me into the deep blue sky.

I can just stare at you like a starry night,

With moon, stars and comets breathe taking sight.

My eyes don’t hurt after hours of glazing,

But my cheeks are moist out of a tear leaking.

Down the road I can see you leave by,

Reality seeps in and says good-bye!

So much to say, so much to hear,

All I really fear is the time coming nearer!

Time wasn't mine!!

Today tomorrow i dreamt you shall be mine,

but life was rushing with time.

I wish i could blame faith of mine,

we know you tried but right wasnt the time.

Things were sorted in mind of mine,

i knew i was outa many things including time.

I kept waiting till the end of count down of mine,

i wished i just had a few years more of your time.

Forever i thought you would be mine,

but it all got rusted and fell apart with time.

Love - A rollercoaster ride

I am so confused,
i don't accept help but refuse,
i don't know what i want,
everyone just seems to appraise me with their taunt.


Do i love u?
Yes i do,
i see a future with u?
I don't know if i want to.


Circumstances are making your stand weak,
my love for u is not ready to leak.
My heart is strong, deep and wide,
but my mind seems to be on some unknown ride.


I wish i knew what i want,
i hope i don't end up deciding-i cant.
Shall i choose some1 unknown,
or go with some1 i have always known?


Never in life I have been so unsure,
shall i just close my eyes to be sure?
To Hear a whisper i wait and hold out my hand,
is our time running out like sand?
My mind is on things which are practical,
it denies luv and says its illogical.


Life is not theoretical,
r u ready to turn into a psycho or mental?

my impulsive-ness

My feet is cold,
my heart is sinking,
our site unfold,
and i stopped thinking.


My mind is racing,
but my body is pacing,
am spaced out,
i cant see and i cant shout!


The scream in me is quite,
i hope to quit
and i wish to sigh
with my heart rate being high


i am depressed,
i am suppressed,
i am opposing
my soul is decomposing.


Love cant help,
i puked it out myself,
i can feel my skin where insects crawling
i fight the urge to pierce my nail into body digging.

so we meet again

So we meet again,

on the same roads which has stains,

stains of our past tense,

summers, winters and rains.

I pushed you away,

was it wrong or right - still i doubt,

couldnt find another way,

still angry if you are just shout.

My path took me to places,

you met with a few people,

and our hearts skipped races,

we remember not all but few faces.

Your presence still does the same for me,

its like an adreline for my stream,

the way u smile the twinkle in ur eyes,

i can just sit and forget all the lies.

I always wondered was my decision right,

coz i did have arguements with mind,

i never gave up coz i couldnt fight,

i did stay awake for many long night.

Whatever happened in lifes of yours,

i feel my stars were your bad luck,

education, family, life hindered ofcourse,

jinxd is what i named and thats still stuck!

I wish you bestest of best for life,

greatest of love with your future wife,

like a kid i would crawl back if you need me as friend,

coz my friendship and love for you will never end!

Free-Doom

Fighting my inner demons,
arguing over breathing of someones.
Sorting the fights of others,
mind is flying around like feathers.

Tear drops and sinks in the pillow,
wondering till when will this follow.
Forever says the mind mine,
hearts kind and says it will soon be fine.

Tossing and turning all night,
fearing when is the next big fight,
finding a match stick to light,
hunting the way out, but i trip on dynamite.

Hearing the acids till the ear bleeds,
brains full but still it feeds,
planting trees with fear as seeds,
changing the life, choices, and its deeds.

Born into a match ring as referee,
not taking sides as fighters are Bruce Lee,
will live for others like last standing old tree,
waiting for the time till my heart stops and i shall forever be free!